This has been the longest winter of my life. Mostly because I've been awake literally more hours of the day in the past year than like the past 10 years combined. I know people say "you'll never sleep well again" after having children, and truely I expected it to be rough for several months during the "infant" period. But NO ONE told me a baby could take over a year to sleep all night! And I'm not talking about waking up during the night every now and then (I expected this as well), but every single night, sometimes twice a night. And that whole idea of rotating nights with dad does not work for us. First of all Dad doesn't hear them wake up...ever. So I have to wake Dad, tell Dad what to do to get child (or children) back to sleep. Then I lie there staring up at the black ceiling listening to the baby scream from her room while he fumbles around in the kitchen doing God knows what and taking what seems like FOREVER to make a bottle. Then when he finally gets into the room the child realizes he is not mom and screams even harder thus eliciting the electrical current of hormones to surge through a mother's body forcing her to rise up out of the bed as if someone has splashed cold water on her face. Needless to say I'm awake now whether I want to be or not.
I go relieve dad (and the child) and get her back to sleep by whatever measures it takes (feeding, changing, medicating, rocking, bouncing, pacing, singing, humming, shushing and sometimes all of the above or maybe just some mystical combo of these). Then lie down back in bed and realize that dad is freaking snoring. How does he do it!? I lay there at least 30 minutes waiting for the stupid hormones to stop and let my brain relax...she is asleep, she is staying asleep, even if she's not asleep I'm not going back in there. (oh who am I kidding, of course I'll go back in, but not until I let her cry for a few minutes). Sleep finally comes for 2-3 more hours before they are up for the morning. This might range anywhere from 5:00 to 6:30....every blue moon it might be 7:00. I walk into the baby's room and she's laughing and giggling when I open the door like the hellish demon child that existed during the night never happened. Well she might have forgotten, but I did not! But the motherly hormones do their job and because she is so happy to see me now and so happy to be awake I forgive her and lavish kisses and hugs on her little round soft head.
I guess my body has adjusted to 4 hours of sleep a night as this is the average stretch of sound sleep I get per night. I also know that is the reason I have no memory, no energy, and no motivation during the day.
All that being said Ella Kate turned 1 about 2 weeks ago, and I can already tell a difference in how soundly she sleeps. Except for this week when she's got another sinus infection and is cutting 2 top teeth, we're back to waking once a night. I've never been more excited to see spring get here. I'm hoping the warm weather means less sickness, because there's nothing worse than a baby who can't suck her paci because her nose is stopped up.
Today was the first really warm day, I got to work outside and begin the foundation for new life in my yard. I feel it is symbolic for the new season inside our home as well. I NEED a change. I am praying for a peace to blow through that cleanses us of the hard season we've endured and allows rest, rejuvenation, and life to grow in all of us under this roof.
