I'm not very good at holding in my feelings most of the time. I think sometimes I am, but mostly I say what I'm feeling...notice I didn't say "what I'm thinking". I do usually think before I speak so as not to offend...although I wasn't always good at this either. I learned that lesson the hard way (after loosing some close friends growing up). I share my emotions very easily. I am usually an open book, easy to read, and I will talk to anyone who wants to talk. Because of the life changes in the past 3 years (see all prior posts regarding my 2 girls) I am more stressed about things than I ever was before, and because I let this emotion be shown I come across as being an up tight person. I hate this because I really don't like to be up tight about things. It's not who I think of myself as, but somehow I've let it become what others see about me. I know this because my siblings have decided that I need to take up eating brownies of a recreational flavor...if you get my drift. They are kidding of course, none of us would even know where to find the stuff...well maybe 1 of us could...but anyway, the point is they think I need to chill out about things. About everything. And I know they are right. The trouble I have is that I try to look too far ahead for problems. I get stressed about one little thing because I'm fearful it will lead to more serious issues. I've never been able to just live in the moment very well. I'm very goal oriented, so every action is about reaching some goal. I'd like to think my children have taught me that you have to enjoy little moments of happiness and peace even if you're in the middle of sleep deprived, sick, and the longest days of your life. Otherwise I'm convinced no one would survive their childhood because mom or dad would actually hold our heads under the water at bath time instead of only thinking it. (yes I just said what I know a lot of other parents have thought but never wanted to admit)
I think I'll try to hold this emotion back a little more often. I'll take a deep breath or count to 10...or a hundred some days. I'm open to suggestions, because as well as the brownies idea might work it's not practical with my line of work.
